Sunday, September 30, 2012

Boss Cross 2012...

Boss Cross was this past weekend, and I decided to give a go at riding my bike between the tape for 45 minutes in the Singlespeed race. One of many reasons I'm a hater when it comes to CX racing are all of the damn rules. I ride my bike because there are no rules. This USA Cycling crap can suck my balls. Did I say that out loud? Yes I did.
Britton and his tongue, which I believe is where he derives his power
So I'm lined up at the start with Britton, Zeke and about twelve other jerks riding one gear. One of the referees, or whatever you want to call the phuking cycling event police, starts hammering two of the racers because they are missing their bar-end-caps. Really? We can't race because of this? Eat my ass! I almost threw my bike at the overweight jerk. We are here to ride bikes not worry about red tape bullshit. Fortunately Joe Fox saves the day and steals a few end caps from other bikes so we could get this donkey-show rolling.
Coe getting it done
From here the race begins and I am feeling great, hammering it the best I could and enjoying a fun course. I'm not fast, but I was having a great time. There were two sand pits that I was able to ride every lap. There were one set of tall barriers that I believe most folks ran. The dirt and grass were in great shape and it was ripping fast. That was until lap three. Upon rounding a tight turn (in the photo below) I burped my tubeless tire, lost every gram of air and had Stans Sealant spewing all over my face like I was Jenna Jameson
Note the rolling of my front tire
That was the end of my race. My second DNF is five years of racing bikes. I hate cross, but the folks did do a helluva a job with the course and event. For that, Thanks!
Then of course there's this, which is really why cx has potential for pure awesomeness...
And if that angle wasn't enough...

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Riverfront Cyclocross...

Great things have happened in the world of Cyclocross here in the Kansas City Metro Area. The City of Shawnee has allowed construction of a Cyclocross Training Course at the Shawnee Riverfront Park, a park that is otherwise undeveloped - with great views and the feel of being in the middle of nowhere. 
How awesome is it that you cyclocross maniacs can actually train ON a CX course, and not only the road or a trainer? This is a great opportunity for the cycling community and we are totally psyched to make this happen, for YOU.
Course Map - 2012

Riverfront Cyclocross Blog - Click HERE
  • The Course is open during normal posted park hours (daylight - 10 p.m.).
  • See the maps below for directions.
  • DO NOT park on the Levee. 
  • DO NOT park in the fields. 
  • Please use the designated parking area
  • Pack out your trash, there are no ammenites at this park. Help keep the CX course open and the park clean.
  • The course runs CLOCKWISE.
  • Course starts ON the Levee at an orange wooden stake (above the parking area)
  • Group rides and mock training races are allowed, please coordinate events with me at singlespeedpirate
  • DO NOT alter the course.
  • Open rain or shine.
  • Course Length is 2.3 miles.
  • Obstacles - Stairs/Barrier/Steep Descent/Steep Ups n Downs.
  • Course is very fast. 
The course is NEW and NEEDS traffic! Expect a bumpy ride until we get enough tires out there to get a line burnt-in and smoothed. Tell your friends!
Driving Directions from K-7, just South of the Kansas River Bridge
Area Locator Map
More info coming soon. Feel free to email me with questions at 
Hope to see you out there training your a$$ off and killing it at all CX races this season. Speacial thanks to the City of Shawnee Park Board for giving us this opportunity. Enjoy!

There have been multiple Goat-Head sightings on the course. These little boogers can cause a flat if you run tubes or tubulars. We recommend running Tubeless tires for the time being while we address the goat-head situation.  The course is still OPEN, so feel free to go and ride. I'll be riding my Mountain Bike for now, with hopes of getting the course burnt-in, smoothed and cleared of the goat heads. Spread the word. Hope to see you out riding, we've worked too hard to get this course going to turn back now. Cheers! 

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Powerlines, Faintlines and Redlines...

There is something bittersweet about riding bikes with absolutely no real agenda. Four brave and seemingly tired fellas rolled out from the Pirates Lair for what turned out to be a grueling four hour death march of riding anything and everything seen, or in our case, unseen. We found ourselves at times lost in the woods, roaming around blind on deer trail so faint that only imagination and psyche kept us upright. We survived thrashing by thorn, bushwhacking, giant spiders and more OTB crashes than Rodney Dangerfield gets no respect. We rode obstacles as an excuse to rest, built kickers and tested our air time skills (or lack-there-of). We rode nearly every trail and non-trail we could find that lacked pavement. It was a true feat of endurance and vision that lead us into the cool, yet humid night air. Four hours in the saddle on a school night and we survived. I hope, in fact, that you jerks did tear up some food post ride - as that seemed to be all that kept you rolling to the end of yet another great ride. Cheers.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Hot, Nasty, Bad-Ass Speed...

Yep, that's pretty much how we like to role.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Double Flat...

Silent Killer and I went for an adventure ride on the CX bikes over the weekend. My bike is not set-up tubeless (yet) and I had issues, way too many issues. Make that two flats and I had to borrow gear from Silent Killer to keep riding. I broke my own rule. 
On the brighter side; We found some sand, make that lots of sand. We found thorn strewn woods. We also found a location for all of you leotard wearing dorks in KC to train for the cyclocross season. Yep, you heard that right - in the not-so-distant-future, Pirate cXc will announce the location of a semi-permanent CX course that can be used by everyone for training and mock races. Get rolling for cyclocross NOT on the road. Fun times are in the works. Psyched!

Ghost Train...

Coletrain sent me this video from last weeks night ride. This footage is of yours truly riding some pretty tame trail on Coletrains' rigid titanium single speed. I've always been interested in the ride quality of titanium, and I was not disappointed in this custom frame built by Seven Cycles.
The following footage is strange, and might make you second guess what you are actually whitnessing. I'll go ahead and explain it to you. A GoPro camera is mounted to the bike I'm riding and I'm leading the train. The rider you think you see in front of the camera is actually just my shadow. Pretty cool; kinda freaky
The most classic part of this relatively uneventful video is when I pedal strike on a rock and crash Coletrains' bike. Sorry about that buddy, but shite happens. Enjoy.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

MANion's CX...

Word on the streets is Manions Cyclocross is the business, the kind of business that you hear about in the back room of a dark and musty bar late at night. Don't talk about it, just be there.

A Right Turn...

Before last night, it had been since sometime during the Reagan administration that I got to ride my bike that hard. At least it felt hard, enough. There was a time in the not so distant past that I climbed rocks more often than politicians made promises. A time when [that] was my lifestyle and I tried to share those experiences with all of my pals; eventually leading me into a roller-coaster of being more of a teacher, introducing people to the sport. This ultimately pushed me away from climbing, which I deeply loved and devoted over two decades of my life to. I believe the reason I left climbing was because I was no longer doing it for me, but for others. This seems to relate to my cycling addiction as of late, and translates so. Last week I made a decision to be selfishly selfish. I am going to ride for me and stop waiting for everyone else to, without better words - catch up. Not that I'm fast or even that hardcore, but there's something about the flow of it all that keeps me hooked. Something about the pain, the drive, the push - the not looking back.
Last night there were no invitations sent out, no phone calls made and no pushing or prodding those with lesser drive to come and ride. Everyone knows about the Pirate ride, and those psyched to lay rubber to dirt would show up and have a great time. Just as I'd hoped, a handful of true and brave souls attended what turned out to be the first of many grand nights riding trail with minimal stops, a solid pace and of course; crashes. This one I'm letting play in my mind on repeat, without crazy stories of anything other than the disgusting image burned into a few of our minds of a certain dead turkey
Thanks to the usual suspects, the P-ride posse for rallying and making things happen. Great times my friends, great times.

Monday, September 10, 2012


Tonight. Check IT!

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Night Service...

Oak Ridge Farm Adventure Ride...

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Hero (dirt)...

The heckling and name calling started early in the day amongst the P-ride regulars. BillyVanilly for reasons beyond conception (as the typical mind capacity is far too inferior to fully grasp) re-dubbed The Manimal to the new and lesser nickname of Shitbagger. You can close your eyes and try to come up with a story of vegetarian proportions that might link a man to such a name, but the true story behind it is one that would make even this guy piss himself. 
Moving on we have the infamous HandleBalls, who finally got his new warranty frame from from Trek. I'll preface the rest of this paragraph with a dictionary entry -
Trek (t-wreck) - An inferior Bicycle or Piece Of Shit.
A Special Thanks from HandleBalls
Poor HandleBalls has been bikeless for weeks. He's had issues trying to build this new single speed but finally, with the supreme assistance of BillyVanilly, AKA The Macgyver of all things bicycle - a rigged headset was installed and the Wednesday Night Pirate Ride was ON - shy of Macgyver himself. That of course was until chain tensioning issues lead HandleBalls into early beer fridge retirement, a measly 20 minutes into the ride. Why the phuk companies like Trek try to reinvent the wheel, AKA Paragon Sliding Dropouts - is way beyond me. This is yet one more reason not to buy crap, even if its free.
Into the moonlit night we went, a good crew of jorks ready to kill all that is SMP. MaxiThad nearly got some free pussy early in the ride, which is entirely game since 'what happens at a Pirate ride stays at the Pirate ride'. This was moments after Chicken Legs slayed a snake on the pavement by riding over it's middle
After months of riding trail that was so dry and dusty you were plucking scabs from inside you nose; we were super psyched to be blessed with Hero Dirt - perfect conditions for riding fast and hooking-up. Roll call = Chasm, Shitbagger, Macgyver, The Circus Midget, HandleBalls, MaxiFat, Coletrain, Chicken Legs and Jack Sparrow. Though we had many stops, long ones at that, we did attempt to trigger every IED on the trail, exploding our legs up the climbs and valleys of the Red trail, pushing it hard between stops. I just cant get enough of those goods. 
RED trail signage @ SMP... The Goods.
A shorter than average ride went down, finished with a lap on the Autobahn. I wanted to ride for two more hours and just blow-up entirely, but time was not on our side. Barley Pops awaited us, teased us, lured us back to the lair where after doing a super advanced workout, we tossed back some cold ones and called it a night. 

Pub-N-Pedal 6...