Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Full Moon...

Had a good time at Pirate cXc's Dirty Crits #3 last night during the full moon. 
Nothing like free booze and free racing to get you off the couch. 

Monday, October 29, 2012

Halloween Race...

Tonight, 6 p.m. free racing!!! The Pirate cXc boys are doing it up at the Riverfront CX park. Be there, or just be your usual boring, lame self... 
Wear a costume if you want to have more fun than a priest at scout camp!

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Monday, October 22, 2012

Wyco's Revenge...

Another Saturday night down the tubes in style with the Wyco's Revenge Endurance MTB race at Wyandotte County Lake Park. I can't think of a better time on a bike that didn't include mass quantities of Irish whiskey and cheerleaders. Dirt Dobber & Sons Racing really kicked off the end of the MTB season with a great time. The course, which was an eight mile loop of mostly single track, was in no way a weenie roast. There was a ton of climbing to be had, as well as super fun, death defying downhills narrowly bench cut into steep, leaf covered hillsides. 
Per Dirt Dobber norms, we started the race on foot, running in circles until we stumbled haphazardly like druken gnomes to our bikes. Then we were off on what seemed like a half mile of gravel before we were dumped into the singletrack. Once on the singletrack it was a man-train of sorts rolling not-so-fast up the initial climb. Unfortunately for me running one gear, the granny's in front made the 32x18 I was pushing feel TALL. Hard is a good thing though...you don't get any stronger pushing a pussy gear.
It was very difficult to pass on the course (other than on the gravel and at few road crossings). The singletrack was narrow and there were a lot of trees. The terrain was steep with was minimal area at one side of the trail to actually fit two bikes. At times I'd just grind behind someone for what seemed like an eternity before there was an opportunity to pass, but pass I did. 
The Lady Silent Killer
The first two laps were in the daylight, the second two were at night, in the pitch black darkness  The course was well marked - even low branches or narrow passages had reflectors giving you a subtle 'beware'. We did four (8) mile laps for a total of 32 miles and 2,240' of kick a$$ climbing. The trail felt so good and flowed like a pump track. It took me back to the days of old - as a kid on a BMX bike - big shit eating grin.
My pals Coletrain and The Silent Killer were there racing too, somewhere ahead of me in the dark. I knew they would have a good chance at the podium, since T-Donn and G-Wiz were no where to be found. Sure enough, post race, there they were - Coletrain with a 3rd place overall (riding his rigid single speed with a wrecked knee) and The Silent Killer close behind in 4th (also riding one gear). I'm sure there is nothing other than the Pirate Night Rides that keep a fella in that good of conditiontruly. I succeeded in my usual race goal of 'Finish, Not Last' with 16th place. Not bad for a cave man who can hardly get out and ride (like I want anyway).
Coletrain on the Podium
Thanks again the the Lockes' for promoting such a cool event at a park that allows open containers and campfires. I'll be back next year for seconds. Delicious!
The Black Pearl

My Ragged-out rear tire. Donations please?


Thursday, October 18, 2012

Blurred Vision...

It rained for a good part of the day. Not the kind of rain that might drown a sewer rat or anything, but a solid rain none-the-less. It's been so dry this year that the trails just sucked up the moisture like a sponge. There was no worry as to the conditions of the trail tonight my friend; it's gonna be supertack
The Silent Killer, Coletrain, The Manimal and MaxiThad arrived as the clock struck eight. We casually geared-up and then headed off, after a few malty bev's, into the chilly night. I'd been feeling like a turd all day and could not focus; literally - everything was a blur. The crew started of as usual, a little on the quicker side of moderate. We hit-up all the good and fast stuff we could find. Mostly ripping good dirt single-track that would reach out and grab your tires no matter how fast you hit a corner. There was no slippage, no drifting  no sliding. You could go as hard as Chuck Norris Bruce Lee and never Tokyo Slide. Conditions were dreamy.
Back to me blubbering about how swollen my vagina had been, still was and continued to be. I was hurting. I could not get my a$$ moving fast enough to even keep Mr. Dick Cramp at bay. It was a sad first half of the ride for the Pirate, sad.
Then something happened. I think it was during my second or third crash, after a Powerbar and some water that my legs finally woke the phuk up and my vision returned. It was now officially game on.
We tore down some Pave' only to hump our way back up, the long way, on more pave' but at top speed. We crushed the pants off the Autobahn, with only the sound of an occasional freewheel mechanism interrupting rubber on leaves. Five guys on single speeds, silent and deadly like an owl hunting for prey, we flew through the forest and endured. (enter scratched record sound here) We were really just riding bikes folks, nothing glamorous like the b.s. I was just writing. Shit, next thing you know I'll be writing about phuking unicorns and fair maidens. Like that's gonna happen.
So off into some newer terrain we went, hitting some long climbs and descents - maybe a half dozen, that worked our quads like a minimum wage job. Fully spent, and knowing we still had to ascend the Lawrence Hill in in style, we retired to some gravel and a last stretch of fun and fast single track to get back to the lair. 
Another successful Pirate ride on the books, another three days of my legs feeling like they just got raped by Godzilla. Good times as usual, good times.

If You Build It...

They will come... or so I'm told.
Riverfront CX park. Check it.

Monday, October 15, 2012

Cross Out Cancer...

When my pals put on an event, I support it; even if I hate racing CX. I mostly hate it because I suck at it, admittedly. 
This was a great event, and the course was brutal with soft soil making every pedal stroke seem like you were pushing into a vat of honey. I had a good first 1/4 mile of the race, then I settled into my groove of just trying to finish.
Sprinting for 50 minutes is far from my idea of a good time. I held on to nobody's wheel and just suffered through until the lead group, including Joe, Britton and The Silent Killer, passed me on the final lap. I'm that awesome at cross. The one gear I was pushing felt way to tall, though it was way smaller than the fast guys. My legs were toast, my back hurt, and I had a dick cramp. The good; my wife and kids were heckling and cheering me on; and laughing when I ate shit post barriers when MaxiThad gave me a fake beer hand-up. A$$hole!

I did succeed in my typical race goal - to "Finish, Not Last". 

Coe made an impressive comeback after crashing on his first lap, very freaking impressive. The guy is unstoppable. Travis was leading the group on the last lap, when at the fianl barriers he broke his seat, crashed I think, and got passed by (3) only to take home 4th. 

Results are HERE

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Wyco Loco...

The following is a lame excuse for reading entertainment, a foggy recap of our Wednesday Night Pirate Ride at Wyandotte County Lake. A trail system that I'd never experienced before and why? I'm really not sure, it was phuking phenomenal. 
My day started out like a total shit circus. I'll spare you the details, but it sucked ass - all but a short part of my workday when Detlif was passing around celebratory shots of scotch minutes after lunch. Fuel for the ride ahead.
A small band of yahoos arrived at the lair at 7 o'clock sharp. We loaded up the bike wagon equiped with none other than the sexy yet functional Kuat NV and made our way to the Wyco trails. Farmer has been frequenting these trails as of late and had some kind of mega loop established in his mind that sounded like an epic few hours in the saddle. Instantly this became our plan.
We start off on trail that was well established with a ton of climbing. The dirt was bone dry. There was a cloud of dust so impressive, we could not run our lights on high or it was like your car brights in a thick fog. You just couldn't see a damn thing. A case of the black lung was sure to befall us all. 
Soon we end up on an offshoot. The trail was super-tight, twisty and strewn with logs. A 'Beware' sign with a tiki man marked it's entrance, and warned of it's level of pure awesomeness. We should have done laps on this tiki trail, it was about as much fun as you can have with your clothes on.
More and more rolling hills, mega climbs and then a sweet long descent consisting of more switchbacks than you can count on three hands, and you couldn't help but skid through each and every one. 
Then we were damned, literally. Farmer points up and says 'go that way', which translated to 'climb out the back side of the Wyco Lake damn'. Nothing like slogging up a 45 degree grass slope strewn with 3' deep culverts to get you redlined.
Finally we reach a newer section of the actual mountain bike trail. Still dustier than Iraq, we trudged onward, enjoying sweeping curves and smooth single track for miles. 
Eventually we hooked-up with a crew of dirtbag hipsters and set forth for part dues of our ride; get lost or die trying. Uneventful yet entertaining, we rode for miles on bike trail and non bike trail alike, eventually dropping 4 of our 9 person crew during a desperate pave' descent back to the damn. 
We did however regroup, after much mocking and name calling, only to ride up the damn damn again, and then into more mega hilly single track. 
At some point we drop off to only three still pedaling: Macgyver, Farmer and me. Farmer tells us to be ready for some mega climbs, some so long and hard we'd be hiking. He was right, and we quickly laid waste to our thighs during numerous ascents up rocky steep phuking climbs. My legs fell off and are still lying there, lost in the woods as some small nocturnal creature devours what was left of my soul. Holy shit that was some fun. Nearly eighteen miles of dirty goodness.
Thanks for the tour Farmer. Thanks to Macgyver for working his ultimate magic and making the creaking noise on my bike go away. There is just something about riding a single speed: the silence of it all. Welcome back to freedom.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Dirty, Dirty Crits...

Mondays don't have to suck, not anymore...
Yes, YOU want some of this...
Go HERE and get it.

Monday, October 8, 2012

Red is the new black...

Saturday I went out the the Riverfront CX course to help burn-in the line and get some cardio on my drop-bar 29er. After a few laps, Chasm shows up with his mountain bike and we do another. That place has some mega-potential and I'm not sure why YOU have not been down there tearing it up. I know T-Donn has been training down there, so it must be the catalyst for pure awesomeness
Sunday I had a minimal amount of time to mount-up and do a short ride. I hit SMP for a lap and enjoyed every painful moment of it. The dryness of the year has taken it's toll on nearly every trail within 100 miles; rocks are getting more and more exposed and less and less held-in-place. Lines are changing and things are generally loose and getting washed-out.  However, these are some great trails over at SMP. If you don't ride there because you think otherwise, you're a pussy. Go get some. You'll get your a$$ handed to you.
And speaking of pussies. My Niner has a creaking noise that makes chalkboard scratching sound beautiful. I've farted around with nearly every component on the Black Pearl and I've yet to find the cause. I really need the help of Macgyver on this one, please...before I go postal.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


The Wednesday night P-ride was planned to be long and truely epic. It started out that way but quickly digressed into a suffer fest of pavematic proportions. At least we rode a variety of terrain: Mowed grass, tall-ass field grass and itchy phuking-grass. My legs hurt. I'm wishing the whole rogue loop we had planned would have worked out, but I guess three hours in the saddle on a school night starting at 8 p.m. is good enough. Next week lets stick to the singletrack bros; that and more beer, maybe a campfire too. Yep.

Monday, October 1, 2012

24 Hour Nationals...

When being humble isn't enough...Mr. Cameron Chambers.
One of the original Ethos Posse. Nice work my brother!


The Original Pirate...

I had a day off with none other than the original Pirate, so we headed over to the Lawrence River Trail for some dirt loving good times. Perfect day! This is the women behind the scenes that makes it all happen!