Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Taco Tuesday...

Success is key in life. You have to make things happen, will it. So far I'm at almost 90% complete as to my goal of riding all the local trails before my move to the Rockies. I have (2) weeks to complete this challenge. I'm not wooried.
< T-Donn - WhiteMike - Handleballs >
Last night was my last ride at BuRP with the local Taco Tuesday crowd. I met Handleballs, Jailbait, El Blanco Miguel and T-Donn for what would be a fun and casual ride in near perfect conditions. Per standard pirate regiment, we stopped at several of the harder obstacles and gave multiple sends, or fails. We chatted-it-up with pals as paths were crossed. We placed wagers of beers bought on who could make certain sections w/o dabbing. Always making the ride more fun than training, always.
Short clip of the Pirate riding the Highline Skinny

Generally we just had a great time riding bikes on one of Kansas City's oldest and best trail systems. I'm impressed with the quantity and quality of riding that the KC Metro area has to offer - a true pirate treasure of sorts here in the Midwest. If you're ever traveling through the country on I-70, take the time to stop and ride some dirt. It's well worth every bloody minute.

Friday, September 6, 2013


last nights Pirate ride at Clinton Lake was one for the history books indeed. The crew, consisting of Beej, The Manimal, Cuntwat, El Blanco Miguel, The Silent Killer and Jack Sparrow packed into one truck - to which we've now dubbed the Clown Car. We rolled the 30 minute drive to our destination, which to those not-in-the-know happens to be one of the most brutally technical and sustained trails in the KC Metro area - climbing out the wazoo, rocks all over the place; trickery. This was a night where we knew we'd be getting our a$$ handed to us on a silver platter, and we went into it ready for blood.
There were amazingly enough, very few crashes OR blood. We had no major mechanical issues and our lights stayed illuminated for the entire three plus hours we rode. It was so phuggin' humid that we'd have made the cover of GQ's "hardest men of the year wet t-shirt contest". Not only did we have a great time plowing through the wilderness at night, but the aftermath of seed ticks was a sight to behold. We each had at minimum *3,489 of the blood-sucking-sons-of-bitches latched onto our ankles. We made quite a show trying to get our infested appendages cleared of said insects. 
I'm sore, beat up and itchy. Riding a rigid single speed at Clinton is comparable only to masturbating with sandpaper (The Silent Killer must do this regularly). No suspension = you're either plain dumb or just don't give a phug. I'll claim the later. Cheers!

Thursday, September 5, 2013


I'd never experienced the trails at Stocksdale
TallBitch took me for a tour and I have to say I was impressed with the place. 
Great fun and some cool obstacles to keep you psyched. I absolutely love obstacles!
Tonight the crew is riding at Clinton - 6:30 meet at the Lair. Bring your big girl pants.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013


Had a great double-dipper of a ride for Dirt Church on Sunday. First I headed over to the LRT for a few morning hot laps with Beej and Carl. Good times and a good fast-a$$ pace. 20 miles at ludacris speed really knocked-my-legs-off. 

Headed straight over to Swope to check out the new trails and busted out another hot lap searching for Speeding Jesus and Cuntwat - to no avail. I had fun rollinga  solo 12 ish miles on pretty much everything I could find. Man the new trails are sick! 

No crashes today, but I did puncture my front tire bad enough that the Stans sealant would not seal the hole. I tossed in a plug and was good-to-go, pit- crew style. Tubeless is the way, if you don't already know that. Lifesaver.
I have a goal of riding these local trails prior to my Kansas Exodus. Here is the tick list and where I'm at. Two weeks and counting (completed are in RED): I need to get-up-on-it. If you care to join me for any of these rides, hit me up!
  • Swope
  • BuRP
  • Landahl
  • Kill Creek
  • SMP
  • SMV
  • Stocksdale
  • Roanoke
  • Clinton
  • Perry
  • LRT

Dirty Time Trail...

More good times on bikes coming our way. More info HERE.