Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Velo Monstre'...

I'm sick. I have a cold, or something much worse. Last nights monster bike urban death march did not make me feel better (being sick wise) but it was a helluva good time otherwise. It sure as heck isn't going to make Captain Cuntwat feel any better either, since he proceeded to crash-his-brains-out , only equal to a gruesome murder scene of sorts on the streets of downtown KC. Being sick makes me feel like not writing about how awesome our 4+ hour ride was last night - it truly was a sight to behold. A good outlandish tale of he events would surly make good of your lunch break, but I don't have it in me. Instead, check out the photos and this brief descriptive few sentences.
Speeding Jesus, PostalJeff, The Silent Killer, WhiteMike, Captain Cuntwat and I hit about every good time option during our night ride adventure - pave', singletrack, grass, wall rides, skinnies, fountains  piers, gravel, boulders, etc. We also made an impromptu appearance in the Crossroads  Mardi Gras parade. It was awesome.

What I learned during our ride:
  • Don't announce what you are going to do, just do it. Captain Cuntwat made the mistake of saying " One Handed Stairs". Just look what that got him...
  • Bring cash - beer stores are everywhere.
  • Bring extra clothes - It gets cold at night, really puggin' cold.
  • Start Earlier - Riding until midnight on a school night is a killer. I need a major nap, seriously.
  • When it IS cold, plan a 'warm food stop'. THAT would have been awesome.
Live and learn. Here's our ride in photos...

Four Fat Bikes on the Kuat NV
Speeding Jesus & The Mardi Gras Parade
The Pier = Beer Stop
Captain Cuntwat - #1 (Note 16 oz. PBR in hand)
Captain Cuntwat - #2, post one handed stair descent murder scene (Note 16 oz. PBR no longer in hand)
Captain Cuntwat - #3 "I think I broke my wrist" (laying in a pool of booze, totally got his wrist 'snapped')
Scene of the crime (the Krampus landed upside-down, still standing - impressive)
Captain Cuntwat - #4 (Successfully rode the *86 miles back to the rendezvous one handed whilst pounding booze. His middle finger seems to be unaffected)