Wednesday, May 15, 2013


Tuesday nights Pirate ride commenced at the fine trails of Landahl. With temps in the upper 80's (from the 30's a week ago) our small crew was stoked to get out on some dry trail and see what we could get done. We typically ride for 2-3 hours and have a helluva good time. This particular night was sorta-kinda a different story, to say the least.
WhiteMike and his new hood ornament, care of Princess Boner Ghost
Our crew - WhiteMike, Captain Cuntwat (a.k.a. Princess Boner Ghost), The Silent Killer, T-Donn, The Manimal and Burnsey all headed out of the Argo lot at 6 p.m. sharp (that means like 6:20 due to the consumption of pre-ride beverages and Burnsey forgetting his man-shorts) for some dirt. Captain Cuntwat was leading the circus at mach speed until the time that Burnsey had to stop and adjust his saddle from the boner position in which it had just arisen, back to normal.
Next stop we find ourselves entering the technical offshoots on the Family trail. These short sections of trail are home too some of the most wickedly fun rock gardens that we have in the area. There sometimes a hundred yards of wicked-fun step-ups/downs and spines of limestone to ride with good exposure and fall potential. Here we generally slay the tech but were not all at 100%. We then head down Scott's Gunbarrel, a rocky decent into a fun loop of difficult dirt/rocky singletrack, leading us towards trails 10 & 11 for the real adventure - to which we will now refer to as The Shit Circus RevisitedFrom here lets just say it all went down hill fast.
Trails 10 & 11 are rarely visited by the standard Landahl guest. The shit you have to pull-off to pull-off no dabbing is retarded-hard. I can't say that any of our crew made easy work of any of these two trails, but rather the trail made short work of us - and our bikes.
 First Princess Boner Ghost gets a flat, Then The Silent Killer burps his fatbike tire, then WhiteMike blows his saddle off-the-rails, then Burnsey breaks one of the rails on his saddle, then Princess' freewheel implodes. Phuggin' shit circus to say the least, really.
The lesson learned here folks is that the Pirate Crew was prepared to repair, all were able to ride out with fully functional bikes. That is one of the many reasons these rides are a huge success - you're expected to come prepared to fix anything and keep up - and that's just what we all did.
Though most of us got our ass thoroughly handed to us on the hardest trails in the KC area, we had a helluva good time riding and hanging out post ride swilling booze - and talking about how we'd string-up whomever's been stealing crap from the parking lot lately. Asshats.

In closing, as my pal Dave always says, " It ain't mountain biking unless you're hiking". With that said, we were truly mountain biking.

One of many mechanicals of the evening - Captain Cuntwat flats the Krampus
WhiteMikes seat explodes off the rails and is MaGyver'd by Burnsey with no less than *123 zip-ties
Burnsey's Ti-rail = bent and cracked

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