|The Fast and The Furious|
Explosive. That's in fact what the ripping fast, dry and dusty course was all about at the inaugural Colivita Cross Country Challenge a.k.a. C4 as I will refer to it from here on out. Brett Shoffner, also known as Shoffy or the Circus Midget, pooled together a handful of volunteers and his brotherhood of skinny-tire race pals to put on a great show; the only mountain bike XC race to hit the Kansas City Metro Area for 2012. As I am calculating the numbers right now, in my mind, as I ponder the memory of that day, I would say that the masses did indeed have a grand ol' time at this first rate event.
|Click to Enlarge ;)|
For the Pirate it was a bit of a heartbreak, as the lair is a mere stones throw from the Wyco trails but with kids in-tow, I was unable to race. However, when you can't race you usually can heckle and make a fool of yourself, or at a minimum blast 15 gallons of slightly tainted ice water at the racers as you alienate every passerby simply with your Village People attire, as was the case. Other than almost having to perform extra medical duties to save the life of one Dan Doss during the shutting down of his bronchi, The O'Burns posse was able to relieve at least *118 of those bold enough to race in the deadly-hot condition with a full frontal assault.
|Mr. Volker @ The Cooling Station|
As far as racing goes, I'll tell ya, the heat was ON like Devil Donkey Kong. Pyro and The Kid were head-to-head the whole race, leaving a dust smokescreen so thick that every nostril had to be excavated post race. Tige Lamb was killing it and almost killing The Kid when an aggressive cornering maneuver was pulled, admittedly a move learned during a past Pirate ride/race. B-Rocket, aside from tossing his cookies on the first lap, reeled in a podium spot even with yours truly missing two of his bottle hand-ups in the pits. Let me remind you that I said " I require a pop-up tent and cold beers" if I am going to crew for the team. Did I get either? NO! So F.U.. Special thanks however to the life saving skills of one Speeding Jesus for quenching my thirst. Speaking of Speeding Jesus; DNF due to a double flat. Bummer! I was secretly happy to have you joining the ranks as 'top of the hill water cooling station manager'.
|Coletrain, Silent Killer and Speeding Jesus|
Then walks over Silent Killer, chain in one hand bike in the other. Poor little fella was railing it so hard that his chain exploded, causing his first DNF of the day, followed by non-beer drinking, which was the cause for his second. When it's 140 degrees outside how can you possibly pass on a ice cold beverage. Ludacris.
Summing up the race is easy. The course, as described by at least one of the fastest dudes this side of the Mississippi, was 'Hard'. The Ethos Posse dominated the podiums in nearly every category. The O'Burns posse dominated the racers with unyielding skill and accuracy of aim. Shoffy and crew (and yes, he had a great crew of volunteers, THANK YOU, as it does not happen w/o you) did a fine job of pulling this race together and had a great showing of over 100 racers.
|Winner Winner Chicken Dinner|
Next year it will be my turn to dominate, so get in line to take my place in the history of water support, tom-foolery and skin exposure. I know you can do better.
Results are HERE.
|Shoffy the Race Pimp|
|Pretty Boy & Rocket|