Be Careful Bro...

The following is a brief account of last nights solo shenanigans by the man, the mystery - El Blanco Miguel (a.k.a. WhiteMike). 

El Blanco posted this photo on FB in the early evening hours...his new fatty build, shortly after reaching out to the crew with the following text message "Swope Anyone?". 

There were zero replies.

A few hours later I received a text with the following photo(s) stating "I think I'm concussed". 

Then a ti-raid of group messaging filled with Pulitzer prize winning quotes such as; "Went to Swope by myself and earned a concussion. The downside is, all my teeth are loose and I can't feel my face. The upside is, I get to buy a new helmet", "Jethro and I ride a singlespeed mule to all the Donkey Shows", "Helmet is crushed and I have another stinky pinky on the other hand". 

Classic shiz from the mouth of a "concussed" man if I do say so myself..

Handleballs replied most casually with one of El Blanco's original lines - "Be Careful Bro", which is always stated during rides with El Blanco just prior to the most gnar of catastrophic events. Some of which have been caught on tape.

El Blanco is still alive as of this a.m., thanks to the TLC of one fair maiden. Long Live White Mike!

There is no moral to this story. Go ride. Cheers!

Midnight Oil...

Last night we resurrected the weekly Pirate Night Ride. I'd been on-the-couch for so damn long nursing injuries that I was in dire need of some saddle time - something to really kick me in-the-balls and rid my belly of the layers of barley I've procured since the DK200.

It was a late-ass start. We headed out after dark on a school night for what ended up being three+ hours of dirt-loving good times. Handleballs, Captain Cuntwat, The Silent Killer and I mounted our steeds and booked-it out to our rogue loop - all things not totally legal (roughly translated as " lets ride the shit out of everything we see").

Miles of smiles, a couple of sidewall punctures (fixed via plugs), more ticks than the Pope has boy-toys and spider webs galore is what we experience in the darkness. trails were ripping fast, dry and dusty. 

We were saturated due to the *300% humidity which Handleballs kept whining about - mainly due to his recent OTB yard-sale as we were in the midst of *45 foot tall, tick infested grass which sent him into a paranoid state for hours. 

Our new "oiled look" must have really impressed the 15 high school girls that we put-on a stunt-show for, as comments like "Birthday Sex Party" rang from their bubble-gum lips. We surmounted the fire-tower for some dry-time in the howling wind, some 100 feet off the ground. Conditions were otherwise comparable to standing in front of a elephant-sized hair-dryer. 

Back at the Lair, we consumed post-ride, ice-cold barley-pops and did some research on whether-or-not a 3.8" tire would, in fact fit in a Niner carbon fork. The jury is still out...

Un-Plugged...

I've been off-the-grid for the past two weeks. No computer and I turned off my phone. I was in Colorado enjoying being outdoors all day every day and not being at my phuking job. Serious fun folks - time away from the city, visiting friends, climbing rocks, riding bikes, drinking booze and enjoying the legalities of Colorado's open mind policies. A true testament to what living free is finally becoming.  

Burnsey and the Black Belt Duo

My injuries are feeling much better since changing my tampon and shaking the sand outta my vagina. Though the air was thin and the gravel loose - I succeeded in riding some fun, local trail in both Salida and Lyons. The Kona and I were as one, flowing over stone and dirt like Evil Knievel over *368 cars. Good times.

Fab Five...

Silent...

After 23 days off the bike, resting a few injuries, I was finally able to attempt a ride on some of the cities best singletrack with the P-ride crew. For some odd reason we all agreed to bring out the meat - the fat bike parade. There were four of us; WhiteMike, Cuntwat, The Silent Killer and Burnsey. 

Flat Numro *36

Our first objective; Wagon trail, which consists of some super technical rock step-ups, boulder ride-overs and requires mad skill to do w/o dabbing. I was marginally successful at said obstacles, but hey, I've been on the couch watching reruns of Gilligan's Island for the past month.

Shit started to go wrong right out of the gates. Between my injuries, the *236% humidity, swarms of blood sucking ticks and general vagitis, at least half us were nothing but whining bitch-ass-bitches. Did I mention our FIVE flats? Yeah, that was a real fun time.

Playing Fat Chicken

Cuntwat

Dream Big Dreams...

I recently paid a visit to the home of Grin Cycles, brainchild of  local cyclist/wrench Joel Dyke.

 Good times like this always up the level of stoke. Thanks to Joel for the good words and feeding my mind with all things framebuilding.

Respect...

Do you remember 'The Photo Contest'?

The contest boiled down to two images, Mine and KuatJim's. It was a fight to the finish, to say the least. I did not know him, never met him. However, through social media outlets, we started shooting friendly notes back and forth during our heated photo contest battle that rang true of nothing but coolness and fun. This KuatJim character seemed to be a real class-act.

We kept in touch, knowing that we'd eventually meet at the Dirty Kanza and be able to tip a glass to good times had in cyberville. This indeed was the case, as we were able to visit and shake hands at said gravel event. He was even so kind as to purchase one of the Taddihogg Cycling Hats that I had been trusted in pawning, which helped pay the tab on my many beer purchases of the evening. Here's a sweet image of the man himself - our 2013 Taddihogg gravel grinding poster boy. 

KuatJim rides bikes. He even writes about riding bikes. You should click HERE and read about his experience racing the Dirty Kanza. Good stuff to get you psyched, really.

Riding bikes is fun, but meeting cool folks and making new friends just steps it up a few notches. It was a pleasure to meet you friend. Cheers!

Scallywag...

I'm pleased to announce, that in my absence, the P-Ride crew is sailing onward towards full glory; retaining the fine art of trying every obstacle in their path. Thanks to WhiteMike, we have photo/video evidence of Cuntwats failed attempt at stardom - riding the Highline Skinny while not staying rubber-side-down. All I can do is laugh, knowing that had he been using only one hand, things might have turned out differently...

Scallywag:

1. A person who is known to be a treacherous lying son-of-a-bitch, and usually smells bad. 

2. A term of endearment used by pirates. 

Into the Wind...

It seems as though the New York Times had a crew on site for the Dirty Kanza 200. 

Below is a screenshot of  a video they made of the race, with yours truly pulling team Ethos/8-Lumens (we're the first riders you'll see in the video). Video link is HERE. Three-seconds of fame folks, get in line for autographs...

Insult to Injury...

I'm out for a while, off the bike. I injured myself recently and it seems that a little R&R is not going to make it better. I'll keep everyone posted as I know more. 

Until that time I will be doing some research on other cycling related ventures, and when i return form the depths of despair, I will have an enlightened point of view, will be back on the bike and digging myself deep into the heart of our culture.

I'll still be posting sweet nothings for your viewing displeasure, I promise. I cannot escape the lair fully, nor the crew and the shenanigans that are singlespeedpirate. 

Drink a few and ride some dirt in my stead. Cheers!

Prairie Fire...

The Dirty Kanza 200

in photos...
(click to enlarge, use your arrows to flip thru)